The fight for me

No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to get a break! Went to the doctor and had blood work and the yearly done.All seemed to be smoothing out.

 Enter the suicide threats! Niece tries to hang herself, several girls on the website threatening, spent days trying to talk to them , only to have them tell the others that I was being mean to them! Telling them they needed to call 911 or check themselves into a mental health clinic is being mean? Been there , done that!

 Still no communication from my brother in law, Craig having more seizures, 5 days of plugged up toilet... too much at once!
Called and applied for Short term disability and FMLA. Just want to get my shit together and get some help.
Doc calls and asks about STD papers, go to office to talk to her, have a total meltdown.Try to explain that I'm so out of it, don't clean, don't balance checkbook, don't leave the house.Even doctor is hugging me trying to calm me down.
 Get text from boss asking when I'm coming back to work at 11 pm. Told her I emailed, and she should check with HR.Woke up by phone the next morning, panic attack! The phone never rings unless somethings wrong with Craig. Answering machine comes on , yelling into phone to hold on, twist ankle getting to answering machine, only to find out it is STD people asking "If your husband has been sick all this time, why are you depressed now?"
When was the last time you had to watch you husband die slowly? When was the last time you cried until you threw up? When was the last time you had to deal with a sister out of her mind because we had to kick in her daughter's door and cut her down? When was the last time you felt like you had no one to hug you, or talk to you, have dinner with?When was the last time you had to try to balance a 45 dollar 2 week paycheck against
taking care of your husband? When was the last time you shopped for baby food to try to get your husband to eat after 4 days with no food or drinking, only to have him gag trying to swallow and have a seizure?

 I can feel myself swirling around that pit waitjng for the suction to pull me in! God I hope this psychiatrist call pull me out of this funk. Doubling the meds has helped some, but they are for the depression, what about the
stress? And how am I going to keep paying for these doctor visits and meds? What a catch 22...

Even the chatroom on the ALZ site is starting to depress me.So many self centered why me people. STFU and step up! It's ok to share, vent, ask for help, but don't sit there telling me what a wonderful person you are for putting up with Grandma/Mom/Dad/Grandpa.Then tell me in the next breath you are not going to get them treated for a serious health problem, or how you are planning your next vacation to Paris.

Guess I've vented enough for one day. If Craig wasn't in such bad shape, I'd chuck it all and move back to Ohio.At least someone there would call if they hadn't heard from me in 3 weeks...